


Dorothea

by infinitestarsintheskye



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Actor Jemma, Actors AU, Angst, Based on a Taylor Swift Song, Childhood Friends AU, Completely inspired by Taylor Swift, F/M, Film star AU, HEA, Implied/Referenced Sexual Content, Mentions of Cancer, Mentions of terminal illness, Song fic, a lot of LONG TERM PINING, also pining, high school sweethearts gone wrong, implied minor character death, mechanic Fitz, oooooooooooooooh boy there's some angst in here, thank u tay tay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-15 02:54:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29677305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/infinitestarsintheskye/pseuds/infinitestarsintheskye
Summary: this place is the same as it ever was... It’s never too late to come back to my side, the stars in your eyes shined brighter in Tupelo, and if you’re ever tired of being known for who you know, you know, you’ll always know me.After graduation, Fitz stayed in his sleepy hometown to look after his mum, whilst Jemma Simmons left to pursue her dreams, taking his heart with her. Eight years later, is it possible for them to come back together, or has time, and fame, created too great a barrier?
Relationships: Leo Fitz/Jemma Simmons
Comments: 8
Kudos: 32





	Dorothea

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so, this fic came from the fact that ever since I first heard tis the damn season and dorothea by Taylor Swift, I have been OBSESSED with these characters and this story of a left behind love and the regrets of that and the barrier of fame and this is honestly just my way just trying to create that narrative in my own way, because I am truly, beyond in love with it. Like I want to know everything about Dorothea and her childhood sweetheart. @ Taylor Swift I need to know it all. So yeah, there is a BIT of catharsis in here. I hope you enjoy, and apologies for the angst.

Fitz always did the shopping on a Tuesday evening. It was routine, as was the list in his hand, the items written in a neat line that Fitz could likely predict. Sometimes, his mother added something new, or there was some variation, but at this point, Fitz knew he could probably do the weekly shop blindfolded and still get it at least mostly right. The staff in their local supermarket knew him well now, and though Fitz would never admit it, he had favourites amongst them, ones who always asked after his mother, or who began packing the bags for him as he was still unloading the trolley. He was nearly finished for the day, he just needed the paper and his mums magazines. He had no idea why his mother liked reading the terrible gossip magazines that she did, but they made her happy, and Fitz wasn’t about to argue over that. His hand closed over the newspaper and the familiar smell of the newsprint and ink filled his nostrils, as he perched it on top of a bag of apples. His eyes fell next over the garish array of magazines, scanning for the two his mum liked the best. He found the first one easily, the familiar face of some soap star donning the cover, toting her new baby alongside her beaming husband. The second made his heart seem to fall out through his chest.  _ She _ was on the cover, beautiful as ever. This happened from time to time. It delighted his mum, seeing her on the cover of these glossy magazines. That was the danger you see, when your high school sweetheart was a world famous actress. 

“Jemma Simmons talks about her new film as well as life and love in Hollywood!” 

The subheading glared at him as if it were trying to catch him off guard. Seeing her, in films, on the telly, on the front of magazines, in some poxy makeup advert, always felt like a stab to the chest. The creeping voice in the back of his head always whispered “that could have been you.”. He had been all set to go with her, to go down to London to some well lauded drama school when his mother had been diagnosed with cancer. The doctors hadn’t been optimistic. Jemma had gone, and Fitz had stayed to look after his mother. That had been eight years ago. The cancer had been a right bastard, coming and going in awkward ebbs and flows. They knew now that it wasn’t going to go away completely. That it was only a matter of time. Fitz tried not to think about it too much. He’d gotten an apprenticeship as a mechanic straight out of high school, after Jemma left. He’d always been handy and they needed the money right away. His boss, Mack, was always really good about letting him off early to drive his mum to appointments. Fitz knew he’d gotten lucky there. Not everyone would be as sympathetic. Suddenly he realised that he’d been staring at the magazine slightly too long to be polite and he was getting an odd look from the little old lady behind him, hovering at the newspapers. Hastily, Fitz grabbed the magazine, shoving it face down in his cart. He did not need to feel more judged than he currently did. 

They had met when they were ten. Fitz and his mum moved into the house next door to the Simmons’s. Instantly, Fitz remembered being taken with Jemma. It had taken him six months to figure out something good enough to say to her. They had become fast friends after that. 

The air was cold as Fitz pushed the trolley across the car park. He could hardly remember early December being this cold. It would be Christmas before he even knew it. Jemma always came home at this time of the year. Fitz never really saw her though. When she booked her first big job, she’d bought her parents a house in the nicer part of town. Fitz never really had cause to go through that way, so he didn’t worry about it too much. Still, he knew he’d be on edge until the New Year now. He’d never walk past her or ignore her, he wasn’t sure it would be possible for him to do so, but these days, he wasn’t sure what he’d say to her. They’d texted a bit, back and forth, when she’d first moved away, but they’d both gotten busy and suddenly he hadn’t heard from her in two months. These days they shared pleasantries on their birthdays and the like, but nothing like what they had shared before. The whole town was constantly abuzz, aglow that they could have produced someone like Jemma Simmons. They always made such a big deal whenever she had a new film out, or when the new series of the show that had given her her big break aired. For Fitz, it just served as a constant reminder of what he’d lost. 

Jemma Simmons had been his first everything. They’d kissed for the first time when they were twelve, under the big oak tree in her back garden, all giggly and excited. He’d first told her that he loved her when they were sixteen, hiding under the bleachers. It was their winter dance, and Fitz had escaped, Jemma quickly following. They danced together slowly, out of sight of everyone else, Jemma’s head resting on his shoulder as they swayed back and forth. Their lips had met again that evening, slowly, gently, and the words had just slipped out. Jemma had just kissed him more ferociously. Their first time together had come not long after that. It was gentle and soft and careful, tentative and loving. Fitz knew he would always be grateful that it had been her, that first time. He couldn’t have imagined it any better. The first time his heart had broken was as he’d watched her drive her packed car off into the distance. Fitz wasn’t quite sure he’d ever recover from that. 

He’d been on dates, had had girlfriends, but none of them quite compared. He’d sold his heart to Jemma Simmons when he was ten years old, and there was no getting it back now. It was entirely useless, he knew. She was off living this other life, one that he could barely even fathom, and he was here. He kept himself busy, between his work, and looking after his mum, and he tried not to dwell on it too much. Sometimes he’d have dreams, where she’d come home, come back to him. Whilst they would cause Fitz to wake in a cold sweat, he knew that in the unlikely case that that did ever happen, he would be incapable of refusing. 

“Muumm! I’m home!” He called, shoving the front door open, his hands full of shopping bags. 

“I’m through here Leo!” 

Fitz followed her voice through to the living room. His heart gave a small stab at the sight of his mum, sat in her usual chair. She hadn’t looked well, not for a long time, but these days she seemed so small, frail. Still, she turned her head, and smiled at him. 

“You get everything?” 

She always asked this. 

“Yeah. I’ll toss this all away and bring your magazine’s through in a minute. Cup of tea?” 

“Ooh seen as you’re making one. I wouldn’t say no to a bit of that shortbread that’s in one of those bags either.” Lorna Fitz grinned. 

“Coming right up.” Fitz smiled. 

He had no idea how she did it. Kept so cheerful when she was feeling so awful. Putting the shopping away was a bit of an automatic task these days, and he was fairly sure he could probably make tea for himself and his mum in his sleep. His hands automatically reached for the teabags, finger swung round the handle of the milk in the fridge, ending with an unceremonious toss of the teaspoon into the sink where it landed with a familiar clatter. He brought his mum’s cup through first, her magazines and the paper tucked under his arm, two fingers of shortbread in his other hand, before hopping back to the kitchen for his own. Already having hoovered his own finger of shortbread before he’d even sat down, he looked over at his mum, her hands wrapped carefully around her mug, as the telly flickered before her eyes. 

“Did you see next door is up for sale again?” She asked conversationally. 

Fitz nodded and took a sip of tea. He’d somewhat registered the ‘For Sale’ sign as he’d been coming in. 

“I’ll miss the Coulson’s. They were always good to us.” Lorna Fitz mused absently. 

Mr and Mrs Coulson had bought the house a few years ago, when the Simmons’s had left it. An older couple, moving away from the city, now that their daughter had grown up and gone off to university. 

“It’ll not be up for long. Houses like that are getting snapped up these days.” 

Fitz just nodded again, taking a gulp of tea. Whoever bought it, it did not matter much to him. He would still go on, going to work, looking after his mum, doing the shopping on a Tuesday evening. New neighbours wouldn’t affect him much. Eight years of a routine would be hard to break. Lorna put her mug down, and tugged at the magazines that Fitz had left on the side table. Fitz winced as her face lit up with glee as she scanned the covers. 

“Oh Leo, you should have said that Jemma was on the cover! I do miss that girl, but oh hasn’t she done well for herself. I feel so proud, our wee next door neighbour, this big Hollywood star, who’d have thought it?!” Lorna exclaimed cheerfully.

Fitz felt the familiar stab that always came with discussions of Jemma. He never protested. It made his mum happy, and that was the last thing that he’d deny her these days. She deserved every scrap of joy she could get. 

Snow fell, and the place began to look less bleak. The bare trees iced with a thin layer of snow, looked less aggressive, more soft and childlike, like something out of a painting. Indeed the whole world went quiet, muffled with snow. The weather kept Fitz busy. It could snow every day of the year, he thought, and still someone would be silly enough to go out in dangerous conditions and wreck some part of their car because they weren’t being careful enough. Still, he would never complain about the extra money that overtime brought. Keeping his mother happy and comfortable was his main priority these days. The ice was a bugger as he tried to hang the Christmas lights. Lorna Fitz was always a great lover of Christmas, as was Fitz himself, and he always made sure to make as much of a fuss as he could, knowing how much she’d love it. 

She’d been right about the house next door. Not even a week had gone by before a large “SOLD” sticker was slapped onto the sign out front. The Coulson’s were selling up to go on a world tour, Mr Coulson had told Fitz excitedly one afternoon. Lucky for some. They hadn’t waited long before leaving, and now the place lay barren and empty looking, a sore spot in a street now filled with candy coloured lights and decorations, waiting for the new owner to come and fill it. 

Fitz loved Christmas, but it had become difficult in the past few years, never knowing if this would be the last one he’d have with his mum. It all felt especially hard this year, not helped by large billboards on every bus, on every street corner, advertising Jemma Simmons’s latest film. Her face was everywhere he went and it felt overwhelming. Too much. It was all just too much. He seemed to see her face even when he closed his eyes. This was probably why he did not wince, when one Tuesday evening, Fitz saw her, sitting on his front step. He blinked. She was still there. He dropped the bags of shopping in his hands, rubbed his eyes, and blinked again. She was still there. Slowly he walked up the drive towards her. She stood, tentatively. 

“Hello Fitz.” She said softly. 

She looked the same as he remembered her. Her clothes were perhaps a bit more expensive looking, not lavish or anything, just well made, well tailored. But other than that, it was as if she was about to kiss his cheek and get into that packed car all over again. 

“Jemma.” He breathed. 

“W-what, what are you doing here?” 

Jemma shifted on her feet, her boots crunching against the icy ground. 

“Well, I uh, I-I came to tell you I bought the house next door.” She stammered. 

Fitz’s mouth dropped. 

“W-what?! You- you what?” 

Jemma gave a small, awkward smile before jerking her head at the empty house. 

“It’s mine. I always hated that mum and dad sold it. I-I saw it was up for sale again and well, I bought it.” 

There was a moment of silence, Fitz wasn’t sure what on earth to say. His mind had gone frighteningly blank. 

“But you don’t live here.” Fitz blurted. 

Jemma looked taken aback. 

“I-I-I mean…” He fought to clarify. 

“You live in America. Your work is there. You film over there. Y-You left.” 

Jemma let out a small sigh. 

“I’ve been thinking about coming back. For a while actually. Taking a break from it all. I love working, but the notoriety. I hate it Fitz. I wish I could just walk around a supermarket like a normal person. God, I bet that makes me sound so ungrateful.” 

“No. I know what you mean.” 

“The house going up for sale, it felt like a sign. We got notice at the end of November that the network isn’t renewing us for another season.”

“Oh.” Fitz said. 

Words seemed to have escaped him again. Eight years without her and here she was, here she would be. Right next door. 

“I missed you Fitz.” She said softly. 

Fitz felt something pull in his chest. God he’d missed her too. Steadily she got closer, and her hand reached softly out for his. The touch of her hand, of her skin against his own, made Fitz’s breath catch in his throat. 

“Jemma.” 

Her hand tangled with his. 

“Jemma. It’s been eight years. I-I-I, we-we, we’ve both changed. What did you expect, to just come back and say that you missed me and could we go back to how it all was before? We were eighteen, Jemma. I missed you, god, I missed you Jemma. You leaving, it broke me. And I don’t think I could do that again. Cause you will. This town was never going to hold you. You will leave again and I don’t know if I could take it a second time.” 

“Fitz.”

The break in her voice was obvious. 

“I-I still love you Jemma. I probably always will. And I’ve dreamed of this. You coming back here, asking to come back to my side, being together. I-I don’t even know if we’re the same people. A-and I have my mum and I can’t leave her, not now. Not now. Please d-don’t do this to me Jemma. Not again.” 

It was as if eight years of feelings had just poured out of his chest all at once. Jemma looked ready to burst into tears. 

  
  


“I would never ask you to do that. I don’t want to leave you again Fitz. It broke me too. I have spent the last eight years taking every job I could, working myself to exhaustion because I knew if I stopped I would be on the next plane back here. I-I don’t know how it would work, but I want to make it. We aren’t eighteen anymore Fitz. I want to be with you, I know that, I’ve known that since I was twelve and you kissed me under that bloody oak tree. I love you. We can make it work. I’m not going back. Not any time soon. I want to stay here.” She protested. 

Fitz just stared at her in disbelief. So many emotions washed over him, he felt as if he were about to keel over. Wasn’t this everything he’d ever wanted? Wasn’t this what he’d been dreaming of for the past eight years? Then why did it feel as if his heart was being torn from his chest all over again? 

“How can you be sure? H-how do you know you won’t just run off when some producer or director calls your name?” Fitz stammered. 

Tears were welling up in her eyes now, as she slowly shook her head. 

“I won’t. Like I said, I’ve been thinking about this for a while. The house, well it was just fortuitous timing. I have never been so sure of anything Fitz. I need a break and I want to be with you. I want you, Fitz.” 

“It’s your career Jemma. It’s acting. I-it’s what you love. You’d resent me, and we’d be miserable.” 

“People take time off all the time.” Jemma mumbled, her eyes not quite meeting his anymore. 

“S-so you’d still go back? And where would I fit into that life? Staying here whilst you jet off filming all over the world. People expect you to be with someone better than a mechanic from some dinghy small town!” Fitz cried, his hands flying wildly. 

“I-I don’t know. I haven’t thought it the whole way through yet! I just- I just know that I have spent the last eight years thinking about you, every day Fitz. I should never have left like that. It won’t be easy, I know but, I love you. I want to make it work with you because I love you. I want to do that hard work with you Fitz.” 

Her voice was pleading and Fitz felt his heart break all over again. He never imagined it would be this hard. 

“I have my mum Jemma. She needs me.” 

Her eyes went wide. 

“I-I’m so sorry Fitz, I never even asked. How is she?” Jemma spluttered. 

“Shit.” He replied bluntly. 

Jemma blanched.

“She’s home and she’s comfortable. That’s all it’s going to be. Doctors reckon it’ll be a matter of months.” He continued bitterly.

“Oh Fitz I’m so sorry.” Jemma repeated. 

She was looking at him again now, tears falling steadily down her face. Fitz felt as if he wanted to collapse to the floor and scream. He couldn’t do this. 

“Let me help. Please.”

Her voice came softly, unexpectedly. Fitz just shook his head. 

“There’s nothing anyone can do. It’d take a miracle Jemma, and no amount of money in the world could conjure that. Besides, you know what she’s like. She lets me help but that’s it. Too bloody stubborn, hates it when the district nurse comes round. Won’t take anything she considers charity.” He mumbled.

Quiet fell over them. Fitz didn’t blame her. He wasn’t sure he’d know what to say to that either. 

“Watching you, your films, your telly programs, that helps her. She’s so proud of you. Can’t believe our wee Jemma has done so well for herself. Talks about you like you’re her own daughter. Always so happy when you’re on the cover of one of her magazines.” Fitz muttered. 

A fresh wave of tears seemed to come over her. 

“I’m glad.” 

“She’ll be devastated when she finds out your shows been cancelled. Never misses an episode.” Fitz half laughed. 

Jemma joined him, a small tinkle of laughter escaping her lips as she wiped at her eyes. 

“I-I could see about getting an advanced copy of the season. So she doesn’t miss anything.” She stammered. 

Fitz’s heart seemed to pound in his chest. 

“She’d love that.” 

His hands knotted together. He had no idea what to do, his heart pounding in his chest was screaming at him to never let her go again, his head telling him to say no, to not let himself get hurt again. 

“I thought about you too, Jemma. I imagined this scenario so many times. You coming back, asking if we could be together. I never was able to say no to you. You’re it for me Jemma. But I can’t get hurt again. Fool me once, and all that.” 

“I won’t hurt you Fitz. I promise. You’re it for me too. I’m sorry it took this long. But we can figure it all out together. I promise. I love you so much Fitz.” 

Her eyes were wide and earnest. Fitz couldn’t take it. He was in front of her in two strides, his arms around her, his lips pressing against hers. Jemma wound her hands into his hair and kissed back fervently, eagerly. It felt like coming home, as if his heart had found its other half again. By the time they broke apart, Jemma’s hands had come down to hold his face, as if it was the most precious thing she had ever held, her thumb caressing the soft skin of his cheek. Fitz let out a shaky breath as they parted, foreheads leaned gently on one another. 

“Promise me I won’t lose you. I can’t do that again Jemma.” He breathed. 

“I promise. You will always have me. Always. Even if I end up on the moon, I’m yours Fitz.” 

He shouldn’t trust her. Not after last time. But he couldn’t do anything but. Loving Jemma Simmons seemed to be hardwired into him, permanently encased as a part of his very being. He couldn’t not love her as much as he could stop himself from breathing. Holding her, loving her, nothing in the past eight years had ever felt so good, so right. Their lips met in a sweet, but lingering kiss again, Fitz savouring the glide of his lips against hers after so long. 

“This is mad.” Fitz murmured as they broke apart once more. 

“I feel like I’m dreaming.”

“Would you like me to pinch you Fitz?” Jemma said with a small smile. 

The grin that spread across his face was entirely involuntary. 

“But I don’t want to wake up.” 

He didn’t know how long they stayed there. Time had ceased to exist the moment Jemma Simmons had risen from his front step. Eventually he took her hand and, with the shopping in his other, led her into the house, away from the prying eyes of the neighbours. He knew how dangerous this really was, no matter what she said. He knew that there would be so many obstacles to overcome, how likely it was that she’d get a call and run off and leave him again. But for now, he couldn’t find it in himself to care. Joy spread through his veins like a drug. It had been a long time since he’d felt like this. Happy. So very happy. He wasn’t about to deny himself that. His heart was, and always would belong to Jemma Simmons. This feeling that was currently running riot in his body, well Fitz was determined to appreciate it whilst it was here and not dwell on the fact that it could slip through his fingers at any moment. Joy, love, they were both frustratingly intangible entities, but Fitz was determined to hang onto them for as long as he could.

The tabloids went wild, when after dropping off the grid for five years, Jemma Simmons suddenly reappeared on the scene, having been cast in some independent film. There had been so many rumours about why she’d disappeared in the first place. She’d always kept herself to herself, but the five years of radio silence was something different. They positively exploded when a photographer got a picture of her with a mystery man, both wearing rings on their left hands. No one knew who he was, he didn’t seem to exist. In subsequent interviews, she only ever talked about her husband, never a name, always asking that they respect their privacy. The internet was abuzz when her mysterious husband was spotted with a little blonde haired girl, running after him, calling him ‘Dada!”. She was lauded for her ability to just disappear, and apparently have a whole family without anyone knowing. When asked about it in interviews, she just shrugged and said “Well no one asked.”. Six months after the release of her new film, a blog reported that Jemma Simmons had been cast in a new high profile police procedural drama, her first return to TV after her last show was cancelled almost a decade ago. The cast list also mentioned a Leo Fitz, an unknown actor with no other credits on his IMDB. When the trailer dropped a year later, many a jaw dropped when they saw the mysterious man she’d been photographed with all those years ago, acting alongside her. Some people cried nepotism but when they saw the first episode this was quickly dismissed. He was good. Brilliant actually. 

They both disappeared again about fifteen years later, after they both won their respective Oscars. There were rumours that they’d bought a bunch of land in Perthshire, retired to the countryside with their children. They still kept themselves to themselves. Somewhere over the years it had been discovered that they’d been childhood sweethearts. They were known to the public as FitzSimmons. The tabloids and newspapers and magazines lauded them as this perfect couple, an acting powerhouse, a fairytale come true. Behind closed doors, Jemma and Fitz never cared to correct them, they disliked the press so much in general. They knew it hadn’t been easy. That they weren’t this idea of perfection that the press liked to paint. But they knew, and they still loved each other fiercely. That was all that mattered in the world. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so incredibly much for reading! I had this idea in my head for so very long and I'm glad that it's finally seeing the light of day! 
> 
> Skye :)


End file.
